Time is still going backwards and I am still anxious. I cannot settle to do anything or concentrate to watch anything.

I had a pile of books and DVD’s to watch in this two weeks and have not watched or read any of them. I cannot settle until I know one way or another even though as @ivyef taught me today I am PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).

I am supposed to be testing on Saturday morning - but cannot. I have a wedding that day and it’s one of G’s best friends getting married. I cannot ruin their day if it is bad news and I would be alone for some of it as he is usher. I hope I have the patience to be able to hold back a day.

Today there has been a lot of talk about symptoms and I have none, nothing. I dont know whether this is good or bad - all I know is that I am driving myself insane.

I dont know how much strength I have in me if i have to do this again - I wasnt that strong to begin with.

Back to work tomorrow which might actually be a good thing as it will take my mind off the impending news.

Night all and night Matilda.

xxx