So yesterday was our WTF appointment at Oxford to go over the three cycles and discuss what next! It has been seven weeks since the BFN so was excited to get some closure on IVF#3 and get going on what ever is next.

Now we get to the clinic and it is the doctor who did my 1st and 3rd EC’s where as you may recall I ended up in agony. He also did ET 3 so we have met many times in very personal circumstances and yet he greets me with ‘nice to meet you’. Now I understand he sees 100’s of people a week but just read your notes quickly and say hi again and at least make it personal on some level!!!!

He sits us down, no how are yous, are you ok, how are you feeling. He basically went through our notes from each cycle page by page telling us what happened and what it means. This would be ok if it didnt disagree with the Dr we saw after IVF#1 and all the embryologists.

The embryologists say the embryos are no good - he says they are as good as they get and that there must be a problem with them arresting in the petri dish as on day three they are A1 and on day 5 most have arrested and broken down. Who is right? Because of this he said he would recommend that we have day 3 transfers from now on - HELLO!!! Is that not what I asked for after IVF#2 and she told me I was wrong and that blastocyst was always better. I also fell pregnant on a day 3 transfer which is why I wanted to go for that again!

The doctor on IVF#1 said vertially all their patients would be pregnant within the three cycles, Dr ‘Butcher’ said most people take between 4-6??? This isnt right in the experience I have had meeting my IVF friends.

I said as I have had three failed cycles what testing would they do as Dr after IVF#1 said he would analyse further if still no success. Dr Butcher says there is no testing that can help and would simply ‘up the dose of gonal f again’. Everything I have read has said after three cycles you should look into immunology etc

Embryologist said we should look into donor eggs, he says our embryos are perfect - I am baffled - truly baffled. He said if we went back to them he would be managing my cycle - which would mean physical agony and mental torture again.

I am so confused. G says we should get our notes and take them to another clinic where they can advise us properly on the way forward. I keep hearing about the good DR’s at my clinic but I never get to see them - I get the massachist who lives in in agony or the woman who refers to my miscarriage as an issue.

What next? Who the hell knows.

I feel less hope than I did 18 months ago and don’t know where to turn.

My twitter is broken on my home computer so can’t talk to my girls who get me through anything. I am sending my love and hugs to @lilytaj and @jillyjohn who have had crappy days too xxxx