So all I can say is this tiredness is getting silly! My usual jovial nature has left the building and instead I am like a sullen teenager who just wants to stay under the duvet and sleep. Last night I went to bed at 8.30pm and slept until 7am - that is a LOT of sleep and yet all day today I could have slept on the end of a sharp needle! I can prove how unlike myself I am by the fact that I am recording the new series of Grey’s Anatomy - I have been looking forward to this for six months, but there is no way I can stay up that late! How SAD is that statement.

Today has been a toughie - a real toughie. The fourth member of my department announced her pregnancy - if that wasn’t bad enough it prompted a whole conversation about how everyone should ‘experience the joy of motherhood’. I just cannot imagine today ever getting to feel that, I feel very pessimistic which also is unlike me. I am normally the annoying perky one which Cagney just pointed out to me on the phone!

G has been lovely tonight and has given me lots of cuddles but nothing is going to improve this ghastly mood - I just want to feel like me again. G asked me tonight if I had thought about seeing the councillor at Oxford - this proves my mental state is going the wrong way! So am going to make an appointment tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be a better day as its my lovely friend’s hen do - I cannot wait to have some fun and forget for a while - if the tiredness will let me.

Night all and night Matilda.

xxxx