Thought it was time to update my friends on where we are at in our journey to becoming parents!

As you know we changed clinic after our disaster at the old clinic. The difference in care and knowledge was tremendous.

As you all know when it comes to egg collection I do not fare well. It takes me about a week to recover and consists of pain and agony. Not so at the new clinic. The whole experience was totally different. The care was so much better. Our hospital room was lovely and clean and we had Molton Brown goodies in the bathroom (they came home with me). We had a movie channel with a list of 50 films we could watch. I went for The Kings Speech - well hello Colin!

This was the first time I had had an EC under a general and it was soooooo much better. I came round and it was all over and there was no bleeding at all. By the next day I was totally pain free. I was ecstatic!

We got 11 eggs - which is far better than ever before and we were thrilled with that! The next day we got the call to say seven were mature and all seven had fertilised. BRILLIANT……..or so we thought.

On the Sunday at blastocyst transfer day we arrived at the clinic all excited. I sat down and the embyologist came through and broke the news to us that all the embryos broke down on day four with something called vacuoles. Where the embryos receive the information in the wrong order and fill with pockets of liquid. The embyologist showed us photos of them and they looked so strange. We were heartbroken but they were very good. The Dr knew her stuff and thinks she knows what the issue is so we have to have a load more tests - oh the fun.

This time round feels like harder than ever before. Lots of my friends have been in tears and they all said they thought this was it. We received flowers from gorgeous people showing how much they care about us which was beautiful and really appreciated but we do feel guilty that people are spending their hard earned money on us. We thought this was it as well and feel at the end of our tether.

We will get through this we always do but it just feels like it is getting harder and harder. As soon as one problem is solved along comes another one. G turned to me and said he must have done something really bad in his last life, it’s just so sad.

So the fight goes on and we are now looking at a mind-blowing round five of IVF unless the specialist on Friday says it’s time to give up on this avenue.

My heart feels a little bit broken right now and I don’t know how to make the hurt go away.

xxx