September 2011
1 post
Round Four ends in disaster!
Thought it was time to update my friends on where we are at in our journey to becoming parents!
As you know we changed clinic after our disaster at the old clinic. The difference in care and knowledge was tremendous.
As you all know when it comes to egg collection I do not fare well. It takes me about a week to recover and consists of pain and agony. Not so at the new clinic. The whole...
August 2011
1 post
It's time for me to go for a while!
This post is aimed specifically to all my dear twitter friends who I have got to know and love over the past three years.
I have decided after much deliberation and heartache to take a back seat from Twitter for a while. It is a really difficult place for me to be at the moment and for my own well-being need to re-claim me for a while. I am pleased to report that most of the people I went through...
July 2011
2 posts
Diet coke drinkers take note.....
We all know diet coke is bad for us - but if like me you are finding it hard to give up - take this thought with you…..
Once in the body, aspartame breaks down into formaldehyde, the substance used to preserve dead bodies.
GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you say round four????
And so it begins! We are a little behind schedule….I was expecting AF to arrive whilst I was on holiday but she decided to keep me hanging on as usual and arrived when we got home - fabulous!
So as planned with my new clinic and regime, I started the contraceptive pill on day one of my cycle. It seems a little ironic for someone infertile to be taking the pill but apparently it will boost...
June 2011
1 post
A fresh start!
I have not blogged for ages. There really wasn’t anthing to say. I have been dancing around in Limbo for six months being poked and prodded like a guinea pig to try and discover the answers. Then we went to Lister on Friday and boy do I have my mojo back. I am finally after six months to give this damn IVF another shot.
Dr Smiles was on holiday so we went to see the fantastic Dr F....
April 2011
1 post
I better get a wriggle on!
So my baby prediction came back and I am having three babies which doesnt include my angel baby!
Here is what she said:
BOY - MAY so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in your son always feels the need to take care of you and his family. Hes just always going to have this very mature view point, someone who seems to think that family is everything and very...
March 2011
1 post
New beginnings....
Well any doubts that I had about making a decision were blown out the water today! Going to Lister was a great experience.
We made a day of it and went to Westfield for a spot of shopping and then to pizza express for lunch before making our way to the clinic.
The lady on reception was a little brusque and for a second I did wonder if it was Oxford all over again! But she was alright! We went to...
February 2011
1 post
Confused - even more than normal!
So yesterday was our WTF appointment at Oxford to go over the three cycles and discuss what next! It has been seven weeks since the BFN so was excited to get some closure on IVF#3 and get going on what ever is next.
Now we get to the clinic and it is the doctor who did my 1st and 3rd EC’s where as you may recall I ended up in agony. He also did ET 3 so we have met many times in very...
January 2011
1 post
Where do we go from here?
Dear friends,
This blog post is for you whether you are my family, my friends or my on-line friends.
Starting the ‘trying to concieve’ journey three years ago I never thought I would be here now. I always knew that due to my PCOS and blocked tubes it wouldn’t be easy but here we are at the crossroads looking at what road to take.
This past year we have been through so much. I...
November 2010
1 post
Life is a cabaret at the Fertility show!
So I decided to spend my weekend at the Fertility Show at the Olympia in Kensington, London. I thought I would go along as I like to be prepared. I need to know that there are choices and options available if this last round of NHS IVF doesn’t work.
Unfortunately G was at a 30th birthday so my best mate kindly came with me!
When I saw the list of exhibitors I saw it as a good chance to get...
October 2010
1 post
Another month in limbo!
So we had our meeting with Dr B today and had a long long chat about where we are with everything.
I was quite suprised at how much he had read up on our notes and actually know our situation - this is far better than Oxford trust me!
He did start by saying what a topsy turvy journey we had been on and that he wanted to know how I was and how we were coping with everything. He said we had been...
September 2010
1 post
Oxford reviews......
So today G and I went armed with a long list of questions to try and get answered from Oxford but more than anything I wanted to get my mojo back!
I went to lunch with work for a friend’s leaving lunch - I got to sit next to my buddy who I havent seen for a few weeks (who has been inducted into my Grey’s world) so we have a good old natter!
Then G and I set off to the clinic. We were...
August 2010
1 post
Etiquette!
I havent felt like talking much recently and sorry to those who follow my story - those that know me know that I have been on a rollercoaster ride - those that know me really well will know I don’t like rollarcoasters AT ALL!
The 2nd cycle of IVF worked and I was happy for the first time in a long time, I was happy, REALLY happy and then in a cruel twist of fate - my baby was taken away...
May 2010
5 posts
Do babies choose us?
Have just finished reading Marian Keyes - the brightest star in the sky. A book which explores the concept that babies choose their parents. In the book it hosts the idea that the stars in the sky are babies waiting to be born and looking down trying to chose who their parents will be. It is a little slow to get started but once you are in it possesses all of Marian’s usual finesse!
If...
Where's that PMA?
So today all the drugs arrived ready to start again. This feels too familiar - almost a sense of de ja vu. I open the box and I recognise each and every drug and the memories come flooding back. That first evening of standing for an hour trying desperatley to inject myself and sobbing at the failure and hopelessness of it all. The undignified occassions when you have to shove a tablet up your bum...
Round two! Ding ding!
HOORAY! My period is on time - a perfect cycle! So I will ring the clinic up in the morning and book round two.
I took my period being on time as evidence that everything is in working order and that I am ready to go.
So we are now on the 21 day countdown until the next round starts again! I feel the significance of the saying ‘ignorance is bliss’ - I know what is ahead and its...
Flight cancelled - you must stay behind!
Right now I feel like I am living my very own Icelandic Volcano eruption - I am stuck in limbo and have no-way to get out of here. I am totally stuck.
Whilst all around me are moving on and having babies - I am still in the same place. That flight to parentsville doesnt seem to want to take off.
I am scared - scared that it will never happen. I am scared that my friends are all going to forget...
Advice needed! To be or not to be....
Dear Friends - I need your help making a very big decision!
Today I met my new acupuncturist (Su) - she is an expert in fertility acupuncture and after an hour chatting through my history and story she put 14 needles in me and left me for 25 minutes - as you know the old acupuncturist never did this and it was all a bit odd.
Su thinks my combination of PCOS, Asthma and a high-cheese diet mean...
April 2010
4 posts
Is it all in the name?
After reading a fellow infertility girl @miriamshope’s blog, it got me thinking about destiny and what’s supposed to happen in your life. Is it all mapped out already?
There is an extract in Miriam’s blog about Hannah and Sarah in the bible - and how they both had infertility issues. Maybe if my parents had called me Elizabeth as planned none of this would be happening. I like to...
Infertility Awareness
Normally infertility feels like such a solitary battle that you can only understand if you are going through it or have been through it.
Today I don’t feel alone - today all my friends who have to go through this evil battle are having a campaign on twitter to make people more aware. Today I feel blessed to have met all these amazingly strong and beautiful women who are going through a...
Boom boom boom!
So my period has finally arrived after 52 days - yippee - how long??? I was getting worried as the hospital wanted to put me through loads of tests and put me on more drugs to get it started again - when this is supposed to be the time when im getting my body back to normal! So only one more period to go and we can start the whole rollercoaster again - YIPPEE!
Work is quite difficult at the...
Heads or tails?
Hello everyone,
It has been a while - I know that! I know you were enjoying following the journey but I felt numb and didnt really know what to write or what to feel for a long time.
At the beginning of this IVF journey I knew it was going to be the hardest thing I have ever done - but it was so much harder than I could ever have imagined. It is such a strange all-consuming process that I...
March 2010
1 post
99 things about me!
Inspired by @chasingamiracle! I havent felt this week like writing my blog - im not ready to think about or talk about where I go from here so thought this would be light-hearted and fun!
You can join in too!
Instructions: The post is a list of 99 things you could have done, and you are supposed to bold the ones that you yourself have done.
1. Started your own blog… im amazed people read...
February 2010
15 posts
Go away....
So it is my first day back at work and have been thrown in at the deep end - the one show are coming in tomorrow to film - how exciting.
BUT - today it is not a good day - I have period pain and am bleeding - I guess that means that I have my period. GAME OVER.
I don’t know what to do or how to get through to the end of this day but I guess I have to find the strength somehow. I can go...
tick tock....
Time is still going backwards and I am still anxious. I cannot settle to do anything or concentrate to watch anything.
I had a pile of books and DVD’s to watch in this two weeks and have not watched or read any of them. I cannot settle until I know one way or another even though as @ivyef taught me today I am PUPO (pregnant until proven otherwise).
I am supposed to be testing on Saturday...
week two!
Yey have now entered week two of the famous two week wait. It is still the most agonising part emotionally. You are effectively in limbo - you cannot move on and know where you are until you have done that test.
Every so often my tummy has a little flip as it dares to imagine the best and then my realistic side swiftly bites me on the backside and tells me to stop it.
There isnt much to say to...
The wait....
So here we are, at the beginning of this notorious two-week wait. An agonising two-weeks of torture before we can do the pregnancy test and see what the outcome is.
Until you are in it, I don’t think anybody can comprehend just what it’s like. You go through six weeks of pain, discomfort, nausea etc for the one thing youv’e ever wanted and then you have to wait two weeks before...
Eggcellent Day!
Forget pancake flipping, today was a tummy flipping day! possibly the most important day for us ever! Our appointment to have our little embryo put back in.
To do this you have to arrive at the clinic with a full bladder which wasnt pleasant but doable. We got taken into the room bang on time which I think they have to do due to the bladder situation.
The embryologist came in and explained the...
What a weekend!
So I wrote my blog on Friday and all was really lovely. We just had news that we had five embryos and was happy as Larry…..
Then that night I went up to bed and all of a sudden came over in crippling pain - so much so it made me scream out load. Nothing was comfortable or helped. Paracetomal was a waste of time and didn’t touch it. By Saturday morning I was beside myself and nothing...
Survivors!
So today is a good day! Take away the fact that I am in immense pain and that I had to shove a pessary up my bottom - our little eggs and sperm have done the best!
The embryologist called and told us of my six eggs and G’s little swimmers - we have five embryos. Only one little egg didnt make it. Those odds are amazing! Freakily as I was on the phone to her Radio One started playing Spice...
Ouch!
So today was the big egg collection (ec) day! We arrived at the clinic at about 7.30am this morning and got taken straight to my ‘recovery’ room. There I was gowned up and ready to go. The night before I had followed instructions and taken my nail varnish off my feet only to be told that I could keep my socks on???
I have to say all the staff were super friendly and really helpful....
Nerves!
So it is the night before the egg collection and its very very scarey! I don’t know what to expect and how much pain I will be in, what they will do etc I know I am being a drama queen but I have a very low pain threshold. When I had an appendicitous they caught it really early due to the fact that I am a complete wimp. I hope the people at Oxford will be used to people crying - I will be so...
It's HCG time!
So finally my little follies were ready to rumble - YEY! So tonight was the big drug finale!
The last sniff (hooray) and the injection of all injections! The HCG injection. This ends all of the drugs taken and is the drug which makes the eggs release from the follicles I believe. The science bit for those who like it:
You will be asked to stop both the GnRh agonist and the FSH/hMG injections and...
My bump!
Ok I may not be pregnant but I seem to be experiencing what a bump is like! My stomach is now so swollen that I cannot get any trousers on. I am again wearing a sundress as its baggy! Its beginning to feel a little bit sore as well but Dr Bond said that was a good sign.
Another positive note - I had a goodish nights sleep and then didnt wake up until 10am - this is blissful!
The weekend has gone...
Follicle Friday!
So this morning was the big scan to see if the drugs were working and see if we were ready for the next phase! This included an internal ultrasound scan to see if the gonal-f injections had worked and I was producing eggs.
Normally you produce one egg a month from one-side (we all know that) - these drugs are aiming to produce as many eggs as possible (safetly) from both sides. Going into the...
Baby Boom!
If someone else mentions this baby boom thats going on I might have to kill them. There is nothing worse when you are infertile than someone says “arent a lot of people pregnant at the moment”. It just reminds you that you are not. What I do love is when I text Cagney to tell her yet someone else is pregnant - she sends some extremely witty response that makes me laugh out loud and...
Mr Sandman....
I am so tired! The new symptom seems to be that i cannot sleep! Due to the headache, frequent hot flushes and all round restlessness. After five days of that I am now beyond tired. I am off to bed as soon as I have written this!
Friday is getting closer and closer and I am getting this overwhelming sense that I am going to go in and be told that nothing has happened and it hasnt worked and have...
Three litres...
is a lot to drink - and water - i never drink water! I have lost count of the amount of times I have been to the toilet today but its getting on my nerves. I went to three different toilets at work today to avoid the boredom of going to the same toilet. That is how sad I am!
To someone who usually drank two diet cokes and a cup of tea a day - this is all very alien to me! My organs must be...
January 2010
27 posts
That emotional rollercoaster!
Excuse me if I ramble but I am not in a good place tonight. It’s not that I have had a bad weekend - its been lovely. I have seen my friends, been to the cinema (went to see up in the air 6/10) had a shop and relaxed, but its when I am on my own that these feelings overwhelm me. G is on a stag do and won’t be back until the early hours and so I am left to think.
Tonight I don’t...
Hot flushes!
I would just like to share that the hot flushes are now about every half an hour. I am sweating buckets and red-faced - its an attractive look!
The heating is off when anyone knows me knows my house is normally like club tropicana! I think I have also burnt off 500 calories putting on and taking off my cardigan.
Just wanted to share this information with you as its making me crazy!
Off out for...
Yey!
I didn’t think I was going to be able to do it but I did!!! I was so sure I wasn’t going to do it that I went to a friend’s house who is a nurse and she sat me down and we went through it slowly step-by-step. Why they couldnt do this at the hospital I don’t know!! After a little coaxing I managed to get the needle in and it was plain sailing from there - I really dont think...
I'm such a baby!
I couldn’t do it! I am so so so annoyed with myself. I sat on the sofa clutching my flab (G’s words - thanks!!) in one hand and the needle in the other. My hand shaking, sweating and hovering over the area without moving anywhere useful. I feel like an idiot - G had to take over and shoved it in like a pro.
I feel a complete drama queen (I am at the best of times!) and am going to...
The next phase!
So today was the beginning of the next phase in my IVF journey. I had an appointment with the fertility nurse at 8.30am this morning to have a blood test to see if I am ready to start the injecting phase!
She said she would call me at 3pm to let me know the result - I thought I would be waiting for an age for the phone to ring. As the time approached 3pm it seemed to go backwards but she called...
6 tags
Ouch!
Today I had my second acupuncture appointment. Apparently acupuncture can help improve your fertility chances and in all honesty - I am willing to try anything if it helps or makes me feel like its helping. An article in 2004 said:
“According to recent research in the USA, acupuncture can significantly improve a woman’s chances of successful fertility treatment. Patients receiving...
Crying.......
….with laughter!
Sorry for the lack of correspondence but I have been on a hen do this weekend and without internet connection (yes I had to surgically remove the laptop from my lap!).
This weekend I have been crying a lot but for the first time in a long time it was crying with laughter. This weekend was the best tonic.
I have been at Centre Parcs in Longleat for fun and frollicks as one...
Sleeping Beauty!
So all I can say is this tiredness is getting silly! My usual jovial nature has left the building and instead I am like a sullen teenager who just wants to stay under the duvet and sleep. Last night I went to bed at 8.30pm and slept until 7am - that is a LOT of sleep and yet all day today I could have slept on the end of a sharp needle! I can prove how unlike myself I am by the fact that I am...
So infuriating!
So I spoke to our fertility nurse who confirmed to me that my dates arent wrong - I am sniffing for a week longer as Oxford cannot fit me in for another week! This is beyond annoying and put me in a very bad mood. I won’t be having my blood test to see if I have achieved down regulation until next Wednesday. So I have at least another week of sniffing nasal sprays!!
I am feeling very tired...
Keeping Busy!
Back to work today after a gorgeous four-day weekend with G and my friends. I am pretty sure the Synarel spray is making me really really tired! I could barely keep my eyes open this afternoon and I have so much work to do at the moment. EEK!
I am trying consciously to keep doing things that will occupy my mind other than babies and getting pregnant. So I enjoyed the welcome escapism of the first...
Call me Becky Bloomwood!
Today I did a good job of impersonating my literary heroine - I am not sure it’s a good sign that she is a shopaholic but that’s me!
I have had the most amazing day in london with my hubby. We drove to West Hounslow - good tip for people outside London - its only £2 all day. We went to Tiffany’s first to get my birthday present. As a bit of background sadly two years ago my nan...
Buzz!
Yey what a lovely day I have had!
I have been kept busy by the lovely G and my lovely friends Meredith and Derek (I am not dillusional just changing names for anonymity). They both adore Grey’s Anatomy like me and I know Meredith is loving her code-name!
I feel like everyone is really spoiling me at the moment. They bought me some lovely lovely pressies - I am going to save the manicure...